‘New version available.’

The notification bubble slid into Declan’s view. He stirred the pasta and blinked away the recipe, letting a system message unfurl in front of his eyes:

Howdy Pioneers!

An update to Cognivision is hot off the press with brand new shortcuts (double-blink to save a screenshot; eye-roll to erase a memory), performance improvements, and security fixes!

To install Cognivision 0.9.2 focus your thoughts on this message for 3 seconds.

Declan followed the instructions and a download bar began filling up in the corner of his eye. ‘So cool’, he thought, turning attention back to the stove.

Then he froze. Lines of errors were streaming down his view, faster than he could read them. He saw his arms, flailing. The pan, flying. Then, the ceiling. It took him a few seconds to realise he was down on the floor. He could still see and hear but was unable to speak and didn’t feel anything.

When Janice found him, she called an ambulance. At the hospital, doctors ran tests but found no sign of brain damage. They blamed a glitch in the Cognivision implant.

‘Happens more than you’d think’, the neurologist said. ‘Call support and tell them they bricked your husband.’

‘Excuse me?’ Janice was beside herself.

‘Sorry, ma’am. This is a hospital and he has a software issue’.

Back home, Janice rang the so-called Cognivision Pioneer Experience Centre. A bot put her on hold.

‘I warned you that implant was a terrible idea’, she muttered. She did warn him, though Declan was in no condition to appreciate the reminder.

The excruciatingly inoffensive hold music started another loop on the loudspeaker. After several more, a human voice finally spoke.

‘This is Cecilia, how may I help you today?’

Cecilia was so full of energy you could hear her smile.

‘It’s about my husband. Your thing paralysed him.’

‘I’m sorry to hear your husband is having a difficult day. For mobility issues, best contact a medical…’

‘The doctor said it’s the implant. A glitch.’

‘I see! Do you have your husband’s Pioneer ID on hand?’

Janice was rummaging through the reams of documentation Declan had received from Cognivision. Eventually, she found and recited the number.

‘Perfect, thank you so much!’ Cecilia said, tone unchanged and unflinching. ‘I’m gonna put you back on hold for just a second while I look into it.’

The music came back on. Declan wanted to look at his wife for reassurance, but she remained just out of sight.

‘Thanks for waiting! Turns out our recent update has compatibility issues with a very small number of implants.’

‘What do we do now?’ Janice asked through gritted teeth.

‘You could book a visit from one of our Pioneer Experience Service Engineers, but…’

‘Can you send one now?’ Janice cut in, but Declan knew exactly what was coming. His subscription didn’t cover Service Engineers support.

He closed his eyes and watched the steady flow of error logs illuminate the darkness.